Memoirs of Shadows by Laura
Part 1: Introduction
From my earliest memory I knew beyond a doubt that my life was different than other children’s lives. I feared the visitors that would come to my bedroom unseen by my parents in the night. At the time that I was a child in the late 1940s there were no movies about ET, Close Encounters, or Independence Day. I knew, however, that I was fearful of «space aliens» who came to visit when I was alone and defenseless.
Their preferred method of entry to my room was through a window and my parents were perplexed at my inordinate fear of sleeping near one. They would also lure me outdoors where they would be waiting. I struggled against these liaisons but in the end their will prevailed. I would hide in a secret refuge in a walk-through closet that led to my parent’s room. I would see bright lights emanating from my room that no one else was awake to see.
Part 2: Childhood
In childhood, and to some degree in the present, I had an overwhelming fear of doctors and dentists with their bright lights and sharp tools. Fear was my constant companion-fear of the darkness, of windows, of being alone in a church, the outdoors, and of parked aircraft-that I imagined would come to life along with the occupants.
I learned early on not to admit my true fears to adults as they would very quickly tell me that space aliens did not exist. If I persisted I was punished. Of the many events occurred in my childhood two events stand out-one of which was explored through the use of regression.
The first one is a partial memory of encountering a male and female alien couple when I was approximately seven years of age. One night I was coming home from visiting my grandmother who lived nearly adjacent to us. As I reached the halfway point I saw two figures standing behind the fence. My heart began to race as these were my night visitors-not outwardly different from one another but one male and one female. They did not speak aloud but they called me to come to them. In horror I shouted I would not and tried to run the rest of the way home calling them monsters. The next thing they uttered I have not forgotten to this day. They told me that they were my «real parents» and that I should go with them. I have little memory of what happened after that however I like to think that I ran and made it home.
My next clear memory was of seeing the ghost of my grandmother shortly after her death when I was twelve. This memory was further explored with the use of hypnosis and proved to be far different than the screen memory I had of the event. In the morning my family and I had attended my grandmother’s funeral and then all the relatives went to my grandparent’s home for a gathering. I remember feeling uncomfortable with all of the emotional and grieving adults and I went into a bedroom to get away from them and perhaps take a nap. I entered the room and shut the door behind myself but in a few seconds I realized I was no longer alone. In the corner of the room was a floating figure that I thought was my grandmother’s ghost.
Upon clarifying the memory I was able to see that the figure appeared far different than my grandmother-no hair, large black eyes that slanted, very thin arms, and pale whitish-gray skin. Frightened, I clung desperately to the door handle in hopes of escape. (I had always thought that I had fled after seeing that ghostly figure but that proved to be untrue.) The figure moved toward me and stared at me with enormous black eyes. It told me to come with it. I initially objected and resisted, but I uncontrollably went with the alien.
During the regression the saddest moment was when I realized that I no longer had my hand on the door handle and there was no possibility of escape. I was taken to a small waiting UFO and had procedures performed that included a sexual-gynecological procedure at my young age of twelve. I was returned to the bedroom and forgot most of the details other than I saw something frightening that I believed was a ghost. When I found my mother she indicated angrily that people were looking for me and that I was upsetting everyone with my talk of ghosts. Events of this type were interspersed throughout my childhood-sometimes clear and sometimes not at all.
Part 3: Adolescence / Teen Years
Adolescence was for me as everyone an awkward age. Not quite grown up but flying towards it. The fear remained but I could no longer run to adults for comfort and protection. I was developing feelings about my sexuality but most of the time I was still a child. To the grays I was of reproductive age and of use to them.
Teen years are always turbulent and mine were as well, but the added hidden dimension was ever present. Odd occurrences were the norm for me. I worked hard at school, but nights were unpredictable. I tried in my own way to create a sense of safety. In my teen years I found that alcohol often quickly obliterated my fear. This would prove to be a destructive pattern for my later years. It was during these years of change that I began feel that I was leading a double life-being a young teen by day, and a reproductive age female when I was abducted.
As I got older I began to rely on alcohol at night to ease the fear I always felt after dark. In my teen years I was not abducted as frequently as in adulthood but still enough to maintain that gnawing fear of being taken.
Part 4: Adulthood
When I became an adult I had already had many years of training and indoctrination in what it was like to be a victim of an act that was both unreportable and unbelievable. I continued to have abductions but I had the comfort of two things-alcohol and the «spiritual» event people. I became involved with some New Age and traditional spiritual practices and they for the most part were able to explain my experiences as visitations from angels, spirit guides, demons, or ghosts. The problem was that these explanations didn’t always work as the grays couldn’t always pull off looking like any of these.
My screen memories were somewhat convincing in appearance, but the behavior of these entities never quite fit. Why do spirit guides need to perform gynecological procedures and why couldn’t I remember all the great stuff they were supposedly teaching me? Why do angels and demons need spaceships?
In my twenties I was driving down a highway when «the devil» appeared in the back seat of my car and tried to take it over. Also several times the spirit of my deceased grandfather appeared to me-always when I was alone. These events have not been fully explored but I suspect they are not paranormal events.The fear remained and my alcohol consumption eventually had to stop.
The spiritual solution quit working, so I turned to the UFO groups. I joined MUFON and it was there that I met Dr. David Jacobs. At that point in my life I was fairly certain of my abductions and needed answers and support. I was more aware of the abductions and some of the memories were very detailed and I turned to Dr. Jacobs for help investigating them. Regression hypnosis is not to be undertaken lightly and it tends to open a door that can never be closed again.
I do not regret my decision to proceed and it gave me a new peace that I cannot fully explain. It also presented new problems but they are not shadowy and fragmentary. I have had much support with the memories and ongoing events. The events have been frequent but I feel somehow more able to deal with them. I have a video camera trained on me at night. It has provided relief as I perceive a decrease in events and a feeling of security that has allowed me to sleep with less fear. Nothing works 100%, but I am willing to take something that works perhaps 80% of the time.
I feel at times that I am leading two lives, one that I share with everyone and the other one that involves abductions. As I am new to these awarenesses I am still learning how to integrate all of this information. The grays are not spirit guides and I believe not here to help anyone but themselves. As Dr. Jacobs once told me, I have broken through their secrecy and now I feel I have hope.