10 Crazy Evil Spacecraft

File these fictional spacecraft under Earth’s «DO NOT WANT» list, because these 10 ships are nothing short of planet-bulldozing, flesh-gorging, humanity-enslaving harbingers of extraterrestrial doom.

Doom, I say!

I know what you’re thinking. You’re glancing over at that Death Star picture and you’re wondering, «What could possibly be worse than having your home world exploded by a planet-sized space vessel?»

As it turns out, quite a bit. Each of these malevolent starships threatens the people of Earth with a fate worse than death. The captains at the helm range from soulless machines and frosty bureaucrats to hedonistic monsters and demons from the depths of hell.

So brace yourself for some horrors — and thank your lucky stars they’re all mere figments of the cosmic imagination.

While the ineptitude of one Invader Zim is somewhat legendary in the Irken Empire, the people of Earth are fortunate to avoid the full attention of these insectile galactic conquerors.

The Irken armada plows its way through space, bringing system after system under the yoke of its egocentric rulers, the Almighty Tallest. The Irken Massive serves as the flagship for this invasion force. The warship boasts a devastating laser arsenal, numerous support vessels and a vast treasure trove of junk food.

In many cases, the Irken Massive launches an orbital bombardment to cleanse a conquered world of life. This clears the way for proper Irken colonization. Other planets, however, are far less fortunate.

The Conveyor Belt Planet, for instance, was once a lush and independent world. Now it serves as the Irken Empire’s galactic shipping center, staffed by its former population. Other worlds, such as Foodcourtia, Parkinghereia and Excreto 5 suffered similar fates.

The Irken Massive itself is a product of a conquered species, the Vortians, whose home world of Vort was once the galaxy’s leading center of science and engineering. Now the Vortians provide weapons technology for the endless Irken offensive.

The relative terror of this entry really depends on your leanings toward collective thinking and tubes in your skull. But should this imposing vessel show up in your skies, expect automated assimilation into a hivelike world of ghastly, soulless cyborgs.

Yeah, the onboard WiFi is incredible, and you’ll never have to hunt for your smartphone again (because it’ll be installed in your face), but your days as a freewilled human will be over.

The Borg spread terror throughout the Star Trek universe, consuming whole species and massacring anyone who dared to resist their way of life. Their enormous, cubical spacecraft typically outclass anything else on the galactic highway.

In addition to a bevy of deadly energy and projectile weapons, the Borg Cube also features a cutting beam to carve up enemy ships like a Thanksgiving turkey. Its decentralized layout makes it highly resistant to a decapitation strike, and the vessel actually regenerates damaged sectors.

Resistance has never been this futile.

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